I don't like the word "Those"

I've decided I no longer like the word "those". I hear it too often.

My distaste for the word "those" seems to be taking over my thoughts recently. I read it, and I roll my eyes or smirk or become really sad. And I like words--most words, that is. I'm not too fond of the words crevis, belly, or crusty but who really is, right?

I do like most words, so my dislike for the word "those" seems rather out of place, especially considering its simplicity and unimportant nature. However, the word "those" has recently become more important, more complicated.  "Those" has become a fighting word--a word that causes fist-clenched curses and the jumping down of throats. "Those" has evolved from simply a form of the word "that" to a mean ploy. I actually pity the word "those" in a sense--that is quite a heavy burden for one little word.

Now, hearing a word too often does not always lead to distaste. I could hear the word "cake" a million times and never be sick of it. So to correct myself from my beginning statement, I hear "those" too often in an unsettling context. That is why I have come to dislike it.

Those Christians, those Atheists, those conservatives, those liberals, those BLM people, those racists, those idiots, those conspiracy theorists, those Muslims, those white people, those democrats, those socialists, those republicans. Am I missing anything?

Now, if you just barely scratched the surface, you would probably place me in the "Those Christians" and "Those Conservatives" categories. And you would be right, I am a Christian and consider myself a conservative. A moderate one, but still a conservative. I'm white, so you may naturally assume that since I fall in the "Those Christians" and 'Those Conservatives" categories that I am furious with the "Those BLM People" category. You may also assume that since I fall into the "Those Conservatives" category that I am overly suspicious of Muslims and helping Syrian refugees is a borderline atrocity in my mind. And maybe you won't assume these things, I am just going with the accusation trend I seem to find.

And some people who also fall into the "Those Conservatives" category may expect, even demand, that I see democrats as Godless socialists with a hidden agenda. Some people in this category may urge me to believe that racism and social inequalities do not exist. 

Because I fall into the "Those White People" category, you may assume I have never known hardship or persecution. 

To be more specific, not only do I fall into the "Those Christians" category, I fall into the "Those Mormons" category. Sometimes, Mormons are not cast in the best light--in the religious AND the social sphere. And that's okay, who hasn't been cast in an unappealing light nowadays? 

My family and I were attending General Conference in Salt Lake City (General Conference is a worldwide broadcast where we hear from our church leaders). The afternoon session had finished, and we were walking past Temple Square to our car. Now, it is not a new occurrence for people to protest outside of the conference center. Typically, you will see a myriad of signs hosting phrases such as "Your Prophet is a Liar" or "The Devil Has Deceived You". Others hold paintings of people burning in hell. Again, nothing new. It wouldn't really be General Conference without an angry man yelling in your face that if you do not leave the Mormon church, you would be struck straight down to Satan. And to be honest, it never really bothered me that much. I just kind of ignored it.

This time was different. My family was waiting at a crosswalk with about one hundred other people. A man with a sign stepped in front of me and got right up in my face and said, "You are going to hell". I looked at him and replied, "Well, that is a nice message". Looking back, maybe I should have kept walking as to avoid the scene that followed. But no one likes to be told that. My obvious disdain for his message must have tipped him off.

I can't remember everything he said, it all became a blur of profanities and degradations. He first began with my mom and my aunt. He called them ugly and spewed filth that I don't see the need to repeat. He recited a verse from the Bible, claiming that all women with short hair will burn (both my mom and aunt rock short hairstyles). My dad stood firm, trying to push my family away from this man. As there were too many people, we didn't budge. Finally, I turned and yelled "That's my mother. Do not speak to her that way." He laughed and said "What are you looking at, woman? Go back to the kitchen where you belong. I can't believe your husband let you out of the house". My husband took a step in front of me. My dad turned around and did something that brought me to tears. He simply walked over and stood in front of the man. This caused the man to stop yelling at my aunt, my mom, and I and direct all his attention to my dad. He yelled at my dad to control his woman, telling my dad he was no real man. He profaned against things held sacred in our religion. For the next few moments, my dad stood there and took it. 

My 10-year-old sister was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Every now and then, he would look at my sister and laugh, making her cry harder and bury her face in my mom's arm. I don't know what he hoped to accomplish by laughing at her. What is did cause was my sister consistently asking throughout the day "Am I really going to burn in hell?", none of us being able to put her mind at ease.

I cried many times over the next few hours. I was furious at the insults catapulted at my mother and aunt. I was hurt by the words thrown in my direction. I was confused as to how someone could hold so much hate toward a group of people. While this man roared, a woman with him tried to film the scene. All they wanted was a video. Every nasty thing that was said was just for a stinking video!

Every time I see the word "those" lately, I am taken back to that moment. Every time you use the word "those" in the contexts mentioned earlier, you target an entire group of people. Yes, some of those people have cruel intentions. But not all of them. I would even say not most of them. 

Some Christians manipulate the Bible for malicious, prideful purposes. But from my experience, most Christians are doing their best to follow God and help their fellow men. Some Atheists do seek to destroy the notion of a God. But from my experience, most Atheists simply understand the world and its creation differently. Some Black Lives Matter activists may be jumping on the bandwagon and looking for pity. But from my experience, most are trying to find justice and hope in a system they believe has failed them. Some who speak out in support of police may be ignorant and unwilling to see fault in law enforcement. But from my experience, many have a deep sympathy for the sacrifices of law enforcement officers. Some white people may hate black people. But from my experience, they just happen to be white and do not have a racist bone in their body. Some black people may hate white people. But from my experience, they have a vibrant love for everyone around them.

Some Republicans may be money-grubbing, insensitive scrooges. Some Democrats may be lazy socialists who want everything for free. But from my experience, most Republicans and Democrats want the same thing: a brighter future for our country and future generations but just believe in a different path to get there. Just because your neighbor is voting for Trump DOES NOT make them a raging racist. Just because your sister in voting for Hillary DOES NOT make her a corrupt communist. In most cases, it makes them Americans who are trying to do the best with their political options. 

We read and hear so many negative things about every group of people that when we see the phrase "those conservatives" or "those liberals", we know exactly the negative aspects being referred to. However, each category has something in common. Each category refers to a group of HUMANS. A group of mothers, fathers, friends, siblings, teachers, neighbors, grandparents, leaders, believers, etc. So, if we refuse to associate ourselves with someone because they fall into a "those" category we don't understand, we are "those humans" who will never move past the trend of hate and persecution.

So you may only interpret me under the "Those Christians" and "Those Conservatives" categories. But then you would never know my deep desire to know how to help Syrian refugees. You would not know that I have no idea who I am going to vote for. You would not know that my devotion to religion does not make me want to reject other faiths and cultures but celebrate and learn about them. You would not know that I more moderate than I am extreme. You would not know that I hurt for the families who have lost fathers and husbands who were wrongly killed and for the police officers who aren't trigger-happy and truly want to protect people. 

No offense to the word but "those" has no depth and no sincere intent. It does not wonder about the people it labels but only about the point it will successfully make. The more we try to love, to understand, to embrace, the less the word "those" will show up in our newsfeed. 

The Helping Hand

During the summer before my sophomore year of high school I learned that a two mile hike does not prepare you for a 22 mile hike, especially if you didn't even attend the preparatory 2 miler. Let's just say I was not in the best of shape that summer and hiking to prepare for hiking was not at the top of my summer fun list.

The young men of our ward always went on intense High Adventures: 50 mile hikes, 80 mile kayaking trips and submitting Mt. Everest (not really the last one but you would think they had with all their bragging). My Young Women's president, who was an outdoor fanatic, decided that the young women would embark on our own "high adventure". The first attempt was a two mile canoe trip. My canoe partner and I had to be towed to shore. After that "high adventure", we secretly began calling our outdoor experiences "low adventures". However, our next hike would make us bite our tongues. Like really hard.

The trail was called the Pacific Crest Trail. Our destination was a small town near Lake Chelan, Washington. We began the hike on a rather flat part of the trail. With 40lbs packs and 85 degree weather, exhaustion was soon to show it ugly face but the start-of-the-trail optimism overshadowed the impending doom for a while. Our leaders told us the total distance was 11 miles, we would walk five the first day and six the second. HA! That was a joke. At mile five we had all run out of water but I mean its not like water is essential or anything.

"Don't worry ladies, our campsite is just around the corner" said one of the priesthood leaders. Apparently in hiking terms, just around the corner means just around the mountain. The next six miles were unshaded and boiling. Though I received a very nice baseball cap tan, heatstroke was also part of the deal. While most of the group carried on, though slowly, another girl and I stayed behind. We had to stop every few minutes while our leaders shared their last sips of water since we were dangling on the edge of existence. Maybe I am overreacting but that's how it felt at the time. At one point, as I took my painfully slow steps, my head began to spin and my sight became splotchy.

Finding Worth and Finding God

A Collection of Three Short Personal Essays

An Inner Struggle: Mission Impossible
General Conference October 2012: Morning
We are all sprawled on the couch or on the floor. Pajamas are the fashion and cereal is being crunched during the opening song. The program proceeds as usual, "Welcome to such and such session of Conference...the young women of the Church will now be able to serve missions at the age of nineteen". All of us gasp and eyes gawk. One roommate had always planned on a mission so this simply shifted her plan forward. Another roommate was seriously dating a nice young man but now a mission was on the table. And then me. A mission had never been on or off the table. Now, in a matter of five seconds, I was of mission age. The more I thought, the more enthused I became about the idea. I called by parents who replied "We knew we would get this call from you".

December 2012:
"Dear Paige Whitney, You have been accepted into the Landscape and Literature study abroad for Spring of 203". I knew what people would think. "Oh, you chose a study abroad over a mission?" or "You know, you will never regret going on a mission but you will regret not going", as if I had made one of my greatest decisions on a whim. No, God did not tell me not to go on a mission. He left the decision up to me though I wanted Him to make it for me. When I decided to go on a mission, I felt anxious and confused. When I decided not to go, I felt peace. Perhaps, I finally accepted, my mission would not come in the mail or send me away. Though God did not make my decision, once made, He let me know I had a different mission ahead.

Scripture, Personal, and Powerful: Finding a Gift
I was the only girl in my Young Women's group who played piano. I won the creative writing contest at my high school. I was a Mormon and so I stood out in my community. I had considered writing and piano my two talents from a young age and being a Mormon was a large part of my identity...until I arrived at Brigham Young University. Every sacrament meeting contained a musical number performed by an individual who had played since infancy. I began the English major and everyone had impressive writing abilities. I became absolved in a Mormon community where I was one of many. I was in a BYU rut, I like to called it. I was lost in a sea of talent, intelligence and spiritual giants. With nowhere else to go and little hope of finding solace, I opened by scriptures randomly to Doctrine and Covenants Section 11 and read "Behold, thou hast a gift, or thou shalt have a gift if thou wilt desire of me in faith, with an honest heart, believing in the power of Jesus Christ, or in my power which speaketh unto thee". Though my fingers did not magically fill with musical genius or my mind with beautiful poetics, the scripture touched my dampened soul. Looking back, I cannot point out specifically a new talent I received but I can say that God heard me and my plea for acknowledgement.

A Wilderness Quest: Every Soul
Humanity seems to have this innate need to belong. In the spring of 2013, I attended the "Literature and Landscape" study abroad in the United Kingdom. Our group hiked near 200 miles across the English countryside while studying the lives and works of English authors.

18 miles across the English moors and marshy expanses of nothing made the darkness of Emily Bronte seem warranted. After finishing the trek, I decided I would sit out from the next day's hike considering that my feet might fall off any minute. Yet, something wouldn't let me miss it. The following morning we hiked along the Pennine Trail from Earby to Malham. The thirteen miles passed with ease as we hiked through vibrant, green fields. In my journal that night I wrote "We walked through this one field that was on top of a hill and we ran and spun around and I felt like Maria from the Sound of Music! I felt like a part of the world and this incredible sense of belonging. This trip makes me feel this way a lot". On this specific hike, I felt an unknown pull to hike not necessarily because I went seeking God. Rather, I think God came seeking me. As I read back on my journal entry, I am reminded of God's promise in Doctrine and Covenants 18 "Remember the worth of soul is great in the eyes of God" and on those green pastures God let me know my soul has a place in this world.

Halloween Blessings

My home, located in a small neighborhood, has always been a safe zone.  Within its walls, you'd find a spirit of family and security.  Outside its walls, whether it be my front yard or down the street, the safe zone extends.  Danger can be found anywhere, even in the streets of a small, family neighborhood, let's not be ignorant of that.  Do not assume safety is concrete.  However, I can say I have grown up in a neighborhood where I could play four-square at the neighborhood park with out a looming nervousness or extreme caution.  Yesterday, Halloween night, represents an explosion of neighborhood activity.  Every house hoards buckets of chocolate bars and sweet treats; Every porch, a home to carved pumpkins.  The streets are lined with giddy children, even adolescents, dressed as bloody characters, wicked witches, sports players and disney princesses.  The younger children hold the hand of parents while the older ones galavant up and down the sidewalks.  For me, Halloween was scary not because of my neighborhood but because of the creepy monsters and ghosts that I believed lurked about.

As a college student at BYU, neighborhoods become less critical to the Halloween scene.  In your apartment, you buy your own candy and leave it on the table for all your roommates to share.  You create a costume from odds and ends at the bottom of your closet or you make a quick trip to Deseret Industries thrift store.  As for the activities, you probably attend a stake Halloween Dance or you watch a scary movie with the people in your apartment complex.  Going door to door tends to not be on the agenda.  This year, for me, was going to look no different.  I had plans to carve pumpkins and watch a movie with a good friend, no neighborhoods involved.

                                                                                                                                                          While sitting in my French class on Thursday, my professor announced that there was to be a trunk or treat at an elementary school in Salt Lake and volunteers were needed.  Last year, he told us, only three cars showed up.  He then explained the importance of this activity.  90% of the students that attended this school were under the poverty line and 100% were eligible for free school lunch.  Trick or treating did not happen in their neighborhood due to the safety risk.  The school put together the trunk or treat to provide a safe environment for these children.  The trunk or treat began at 5:15 and was predicted to last around an hour.  Acknowledging that my plans were not until eight, I found a carpool buddy and figured I would go.  

We had no need to buy candy because my French professor provided us with five large bags of sweets.  It didn't take long after we pulled of the freeway exit to realize we were in a different neighborhood.  Every building and home was surrounded by a chain-link fence.  The houses were small and worn.  Overgrown bushes and plants crowded the walls and the paint was pealing.  No one seemed to be walking the streets.  

With the help of a small prayer and GPS, we were able to find the elementary school.  As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw about twenty cars in the lot.  With relief-filled hearts, we eagerly parked and set up camp.  We opened the trunk of my classmate's small car and wiggled inside.  We covered ourselves in my rainbow, polka-dotted blanket and began to open the big bags of candy.  Children and their parents were lined along the edge of the school, waiting for the sugar rush to begin.  When every car was parked and ready, the teachers announced that the trunk or treat had begun.  The kids came one by one, many of them dressed as Spiderman, Scream, and dead brides.  We saw many Mario and Luigi costumes as well.  Some came in no costume at all.  Many of the parents dressed up too.  Some kids had pumpkin shaped baskets and others brought a pillow case or used a garbage bag.  Many kids were timid when they approached our trunk.  When the boys approached, we acted terrified by their costumes causing them to smile and blush.  When the girls approached, we told them how pretty they looked in their princess gowns.  I have never seen little girls grin so big.  All of the children seemed giddy with excitement.  And the parents seemed to enjoy themselves as well.  Many thanked us as we dropped candy in their children's bags.  Some didn't speak English so they would nod and smile.  Some of the kids asked why were sitting in the trunk and one little girl told me my necklace looked like a string of gum balls.  

Cars around us began to run out of candy so they packed up and left.  By the end, we were the only car in our row so families stopped walking over.  But we still had a full bag of candy!  For a while, we would call kids over showing them all that we had.  Then, instead, we hopped out of the trunk and began passing out candy at the exit.  We ended up giving a quarter of the bag to two little boys.  

The activity did as it promised, only lasting for an hour.  I watched as multiple children from the same family would pile into the front door of tiny apartments.  I wondered if they would organize their candy like my siblings and I always did.  We would always set up our own store and trade candy with each other.  As we left the school and drove back through the neighborhood, something felt strange.  It was still light outside and no kids were roaming the streets.  They had all already returned to their homes.  

The smiles on the faces of these children kept passing through my mind.  I had been to trunk or treats before and I know I never smiled like they did.  These children, many in ragged costumes, seemed so happy.  Even in their circumstance, candy and smiling faces made them ecstatic.  

I began to feel guilty about my complaints: not having enough money to buy a new shirt, waking up early in the morning, doing cleaning checks and the inevitable self-pity for no reason at all.  

As I observed these children, I figured they must know that, financial wise, they've been given a tough lot.  Yet in the midst of this hardship, they were able to smile and allowed themselves to be happy.  After thinking through this experience, I figured out a little motto I want to try and live by.  Recognize your problems and put trust in The Lord; Recognize your blessings and thank The Lord.  We all have adversities that need to be faced but rather than facing them with fear, face them with faith that God will "visit his children in their adversities" (Mosiah 23: 14)  However, we all are given blessings we need to acknowledge as well.  No matter your current circumstance, we all have reason to be happy, a concept these children seemed to understand.  

When thinking on the Halloween's to come, I hope to not only focus on the candy, the costumes and the neighborhoods but to remember what I am thankful for.  Who says you can't count your blessings a month before Thanksgiving?

Time for an Adventure

It is adventure time! And no I'm not talking about the television cartoon.  Tomorrow, I begin my trek across the United Kingdom!  I leave from the Salt Lake City airport tomorrow at eleven and arrive in Scotland at 2 o'clock the next day.  I still seems unreal to me.  A few months ago, I would have never dreamed that I would be doing anything like this.  I am leaving the United States to go on a hike across another country, leaving behind my computer, my wardrobe, my family to focus on my writing, getting to know the people in my group and embracing a new culture.  I have never been so ecstatic! However, I already miss Utah!  When I first started college, I didn't expect to like Utah.  Compared to Washington, I saw it as dry and hot and brown.  However, Utah actually has seasons.  Unbelievable right?  The mountains are magnificent and the colors are beautiful in the fall.  The winter is bitterly cold but it looks like a winter wonderland.  In the spring, the temperature is perfect and the sky gets really blue.  I have never lived in Utah in the summer but I'm sure it is great.  This school year has been amazing.  When my freshman year ended, I thought I would never have a school year as good as that one.  I met great people, I had a great ward, great roommates and made so many memories.  However, this year has been just as, possibly more, wonderful.  The people I met were the best!  Everyone was so kind, funny and had wonderful personalities.  Anyway, there is a purpose to this tangent.  It seems to me that it doesn't always matter where you go but who you are with and what you learn.  Though I am about to leave to United Kingdom, I will miss the people back home, especially my family.  Still, I am so excited to embark on this grand journey across the English countryside for the next two months (and then to Paris for three days)!  I won't have a computer so I don't know the next time I will have internet so this might be the last blog post until I get home.  I can't wait to tell of my tales when I return. Au revoir! 

A Reason to Smile

When life becomes stressful and circumstances aren't turning out the way you hoped, it can sometimes be difficult to find a silver lining.  If we are unable to find a positive detail within a matter of moments, we tend to give up and the negativity finds it easy to cloud our minds.  In these times, I encourage everyone to find a reason to smile because I promise you can always find one.  President Gordon B. Hinckley once said "In my ninety-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out! Truly, things always work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.” We live in a world of comparisons.  We constantly compare our lives and ourselves to those around us.  I believe that is the quickest way to poison self-esteem and belief in self-worth.  When you are having a hard day, count your blessings before you mourn what you don't have.  You might find that you will forget your hardships amongst your blessing counting.  One of the best ways to rid yourself of negativity is to give someone else a reason to smile.  More often than naught, the people you come in contact with are facing their own hardships and need a little pick-me-up.  Today, when I was walking to class, two girls stopped me on campus.  They asked if they could ask me a few questions for one of their classes.  After their interview, one of the girls said "You are such a wonderful person and I am so glad we got to meet you."  To be honest, I was caught off guard at first.  I was amazed at how sincere she sounded. With all the stress of finals and everything else that life brings, I was so grateful to this random girl for giving me a reason to smile.  If you serve those around you, you will find true happiness in your life.  Keep your head up and find a reason to smile :) Here is a super cute video of a person who shares his smile with everyone.  I could learn some lessons from him!
It is a little long but worth it!

 

As a Christian

In light of today being Easter, I thought I would explain what being a Christian means to me.

Yesterday, I had the amazing opportunity to go to the Festival of Colors at the Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork, Utah.  A few friends and I drove to Spanish Fork from Provo and participated in the religious ceremony.  When we arrived, we bought colored corn starch that looked like chalk and gathered by the Krishna Temple with thousands of other people.  At the beginning of the ceremony, we were told the story of Krishna and the history of the religion.  Then we were taught some religious chants and, on count down, threw our colored chalk into the air.  We all became engulfed in a cloud of color that stained our clothes rainbow.  We looked so cool!  Here are a few pictures from our experience :

                                                                                  

 Though I am sure I will be sneezing and coughing rainbow forever, the experience was totally worth it!  As we walked back to our car, we happened upon a commotion that quite disturbed me.  A man, holding a yellow sign with black letters, was shouting at the people passing by.  He exclaimed that those who participated in this ceremony could not consider themselves Christians.  His protest took me back.  What about the ceremony caused this man to be upset and make such absurd accusations?  True, this religion has a different belief system and God than I do but why should that matter?  They believe in a higher power just like I do.  Though our beliefs differ, we both believe in coming together to worship.  I was thankful for the opportunity to immerse myself in a different culture and learn about their lifestyle.  Am I not a Christian for feeling this way?  Absolutely not, of course I am still a Christian.  The Eleventh Article of Faith (if you are not familiar with this term, visit this website http://mormon.org/articles-of-faith!) says "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."  As a Christian, I am commanded to love my neighbor and not to judge others.  Who I am to judge others on their beliefs if I want my beliefs to be respected?  Everyone worships in their own way and based on their own beliefs.  As a Christian, I want to be accepting of others and learn all I can about the people and cultures of this world.  This world is a magnificent place if you open your eyes to the beauty of its people.  We are all God's children and He loves us all equally.  Jesus Christ came to save ALL men, whether they are Christian or not.  So when someone says Christianity constitutes abstaining from learning about and accepting God's children, I would have to disagree.  Being a Christian, to me, means filling your heart full of charity for your fellow men.  See the people around you as God sees them and you will find love for every person you meet.

Today reminds us of the most glorious miracle; the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  As a Christian, I know that Heavenly Father sent His son to this Earth to bring men unto Him.  As a Christian, I know Christ came to atone for the sins of men.  As a Christian, I know He was crucified as a perfect being.  As a Christian, I know He rose from the dead three days later.  As a Christian, I know my Savior lives.  Sometimes I wonder how all of this can be.  How could God send His son to die for me?  Why did Christ agree to come?  They have a indescribable love for us, to put it simply.  I truly stand all amazed that Jesus Christ would descend from His home on high to dwell among imperfect men and then die for them.  His sacrifice was the ultimate sacrifice of love for His Father's children.  After He suffered for every sin, mistake, unhappiness and burden, He gave His life on Calvary.  Today, we celebrate His return on the third day.  He broke the bonds of death and set all men free.  Sometimes, I don't think we realize the significance of that miracle.  Christ rose from the dead and through His sacrifice, he seals the promise that we can do the same.  I cannot wait for the day when I can kneel at His side and feel the nail prints in His feet, hands and side and cry thanks unto Him. I am so thankful for this Easter Sunday and for the opportunity to rejoice in Christ's resurrection.  As a Christian, I know my Savior is our perfect example.  He is my brother and my ever constant companion.  He fills me with a peace and a hope that encourages me to follow Him and find everlasting life.  As a Christian, I know my Savior lives.  As a child of God, I know my Heavenly Father and Savior love me.  As Paige Whitney, I know I am never alone for they will always be in my corner.  I wish everyone a wonderful Easter, filled with thanks for Christ's ultimate sacrifice and glorious return.