My distaste for the word "those" seems to be taking over my thoughts recently. I read it, and I roll my eyes or smirk or become really sad. And I like words--most words, that is. I'm not too fond of the words crevis, belly, or crusty but who really is, right?
I do like most words, so my dislike for the word "those" seems rather out of place, especially considering its simplicity and unimportant nature. However, the word "those" has recently become more important, more complicated. "Those" has become a fighting word--a word that causes fist-clenched curses and the jumping down of throats. "Those" has evolved from simply a form of the word "that" to a mean ploy. I actually pity the word "those" in a sense--that is quite a heavy burden for one little word.
Now, hearing a word too often does not always lead to distaste. I could hear the word "cake" a million times and never be sick of it. So to correct myself from my beginning statement, I hear "those" too often in an unsettling context. That is why I have come to dislike it.
Those Christians, those Atheists, those conservatives, those liberals, those BLM people, those racists, those idiots, those conspiracy theorists, those Muslims, those white people, those democrats, those socialists, those republicans. Am I missing anything?
Now, if you just barely scratched the surface, you would probably place me in the "Those Christians" and "Those Conservatives" categories. And you would be right, I am a Christian and consider myself a conservative. A moderate one, but still a conservative. I'm white, so you may naturally assume that since I fall in the "Those Christians" and 'Those Conservatives" categories that I am furious with the "Those BLM People" category. You may also assume that since I fall into the "Those Conservatives" category that I am overly suspicious of Muslims and helping Syrian refugees is a borderline atrocity in my mind. And maybe you won't assume these things, I am just going with the accusation trend I seem to find.
And some people who also fall into the "Those Conservatives" category may expect, even demand, that I see democrats as Godless socialists with a hidden agenda. Some people in this category may urge me to believe that racism and social inequalities do not exist.
Because I fall into the "Those White People" category, you may assume I have never known hardship or persecution.
To be more specific, not only do I fall into the "Those Christians" category, I fall into the "Those Mormons" category. Sometimes, Mormons are not cast in the best light--in the religious AND the social sphere. And that's okay, who hasn't been cast in an unappealing light nowadays?
My family and I were attending General Conference in Salt Lake City (General Conference is a worldwide broadcast where we hear from our church leaders). The afternoon session had finished, and we were walking past Temple Square to our car. Now, it is not a new occurrence for people to protest outside of the conference center. Typically, you will see a myriad of signs hosting phrases such as "Your Prophet is a Liar" or "The Devil Has Deceived You". Others hold paintings of people burning in hell. Again, nothing new. It wouldn't really be General Conference without an angry man yelling in your face that if you do not leave the Mormon church, you would be struck straight down to Satan. And to be honest, it never really bothered me that much. I just kind of ignored it.
This time was different. My family was waiting at a crosswalk with about one hundred other people. A man with a sign stepped in front of me and got right up in my face and said, "You are going to hell". I looked at him and replied, "Well, that is a nice message". Looking back, maybe I should have kept walking as to avoid the scene that followed. But no one likes to be told that. My obvious disdain for his message must have tipped him off.
I can't remember everything he said, it all became a blur of profanities and degradations. He first began with my mom and my aunt. He called them ugly and spewed filth that I don't see the need to repeat. He recited a verse from the Bible, claiming that all women with short hair will burn (both my mom and aunt rock short hairstyles). My dad stood firm, trying to push my family away from this man. As there were too many people, we didn't budge. Finally, I turned and yelled "That's my mother. Do not speak to her that way." He laughed and said "What are you looking at, woman? Go back to the kitchen where you belong. I can't believe your husband let you out of the house". My husband took a step in front of me. My dad turned around and did something that brought me to tears. He simply walked over and stood in front of the man. This caused the man to stop yelling at my aunt, my mom, and I and direct all his attention to my dad. He yelled at my dad to control his woman, telling my dad he was no real man. He profaned against things held sacred in our religion. For the next few moments, my dad stood there and took it.
My 10-year-old sister was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Every now and then, he would look at my sister and laugh, making her cry harder and bury her face in my mom's arm. I don't know what he hoped to accomplish by laughing at her. What is did cause was my sister consistently asking throughout the day "Am I really going to burn in hell?", none of us being able to put her mind at ease.
I cried many times over the next few hours. I was furious at the insults catapulted at my mother and aunt. I was hurt by the words thrown in my direction. I was confused as to how someone could hold so much hate toward a group of people. While this man roared, a woman with him tried to film the scene. All they wanted was a video. Every nasty thing that was said was just for a stinking video!
Every time I see the word "those" lately, I am taken back to that moment. Every time you use the word "those" in the contexts mentioned earlier, you target an entire group of people. Yes, some of those people have cruel intentions. But not all of them. I would even say not most of them.
Some Christians manipulate the Bible for malicious, prideful purposes. But from my experience, most Christians are doing their best to follow God and help their fellow men. Some Atheists do seek to destroy the notion of a God. But from my experience, most Atheists simply understand the world and its creation differently. Some Black Lives Matter activists may be jumping on the bandwagon and looking for pity. But from my experience, most are trying to find justice and hope in a system they believe has failed them. Some who speak out in support of police may be ignorant and unwilling to see fault in law enforcement. But from my experience, many have a deep sympathy for the sacrifices of law enforcement officers. Some white people may hate black people. But from my experience, they just happen to be white and do not have a racist bone in their body. Some black people may hate white people. But from my experience, they have a vibrant love for everyone around them.
Some Republicans may be money-grubbing, insensitive scrooges. Some Democrats may be lazy socialists who want everything for free. But from my experience, most Republicans and Democrats want the same thing: a brighter future for our country and future generations but just believe in a different path to get there. Just because your neighbor is voting for Trump DOES NOT make them a raging racist. Just because your sister in voting for Hillary DOES NOT make her a corrupt communist. In most cases, it makes them Americans who are trying to do the best with their political options.
We read and hear so many negative things about every group of people that when we see the phrase "those conservatives" or "those liberals", we know exactly the negative aspects being referred to. However, each category has something in common. Each category refers to a group of HUMANS. A group of mothers, fathers, friends, siblings, teachers, neighbors, grandparents, leaders, believers, etc. So, if we refuse to associate ourselves with someone because they fall into a "those" category we don't understand, we are "those humans" who will never move past the trend of hate and persecution.
So you may only interpret me under the "Those Christians" and "Those Conservatives" categories. But then you would never know my deep desire to know how to help Syrian refugees. You would not know that I have no idea who I am going to vote for. You would not know that my devotion to religion does not make me want to reject other faiths and cultures but celebrate and learn about them. You would not know that I more moderate than I am extreme. You would not know that I hurt for the families who have lost fathers and husbands who were wrongly killed and for the police officers who aren't trigger-happy and truly want to protect people.
No offense to the word but "those" has no depth and no sincere intent. It does not wonder about the people it labels but only about the point it will successfully make. The more we try to love, to understand, to embrace, the less the word "those" will show up in our newsfeed.
